After decades of discipling men, I’ve identified some things I think every man needs to understand. And this week’s topic—#3 of 70—is a big one: anger.

Anger is defined as a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a real or perceived wrong. The reality is everyone feels anger; it’s a normal human emotion. Jesus got angry, and like Jesus’ anger, some anger is righteous and needed.

Most anger, however, is not, and it doesn’t produce righteousness. “Fools give vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end” (Proverbs 29:11).

Do you walk around on eggshells because you work or live with someone who is easily angered—who gives “vent to their rage”? Or, is it possible that someone might be walking on eggshells around you?

Ecclesiastes 7:9 cautions us, “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.” To regularly feel easily angered—i.e., “quickly provoked”—is to walk around with an angry spirit. You could say that an angry spirit is a state of always feeling displeasure and belligerence aroused by real or perceived wrongs.

Personally, when teaching on anger in 2007, I felt compelled to write a letter to my adult children. In that letter I confessed that I had an angry spirit when they were growing up, and I asked their forgiveness. By God’s grace, He has healed me of an angry spirit, and my children readily extended forgiveness to me. I had to work this out with my wife too. Professional Christian counseling was a big help.

As was the case with me, most men with an angry spirit were not fathered or mothered well. They may find themselves repeating the cycle of an angry, demanding, or belittling parent, or harboring unresolved anger over a parent that was passive, absent, permissive, or enabling. Unresolved anger is a volcano inside a man—he never knows when it might erupt, or why.

So what about you? What is your anger profile? Consider it for a moment. Do you feel angry on occasion, or do you have an angry spirit that is easily provoked? Once angered, do you have a hard time letting it go? Do you smolder with anger, rage, and bitterness—ready to erupt at even small perceived threats? When you hurt someone in anger, are you quick to apologize and ask forgiveness? Does your anger ever turn violent?

Here’s the challenge. If you could resolve your anger issues by trying harder, don’t you think it would have happened by now?

No matter how hard you try, or even how much you love God, you will never conquer anger until you first understand where it’s coming from. Once you understand, you can begin to heal. But it’s hard to move forward if you’re stuck in the past. And it’s hard to move forward if you don’t have a positive plan.

I would like to help you with that by giving you a complimentary resource. I’ve written an Action Plan to help you 1) understand what happened to you, 2) heal, and 3) break the cycle. Get your free, fillable PDF version here. Or, if you prefer, you may buy a printed version from Amazon for $10.

And if you don’t struggle with anger, to God be the glory. I encourage you to not give up on the men who do.