Are you standing at a fork in the road, unsure of which way to go? Seeking wise
counsel—#11 of
70 things every man needs to know—greatly increases the likelihood you will choose the right direction.
Yet many of us are Lone Rangers, to our own detriment. Scripture tells us: “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed” (Proverbs 15:22). As men, we need to believe that it is both manly and wise to ask for advice.
There are two kinds of decisions for which you may want counsel: moral and priority.
Moral Advice
Moral decisions are choices between right and wrong. If you need counsel on a moral issue, it’s essential to go to someone with (a) moral authority and (b) knowledge of the Scriptures.
We often already know the right thing to do. What we actually want is a kick in the pants—someone to encourage us and hold us accountable to do the right thing: “You can do this. You can make it happen.” The goal of seeking counsel on moral issues is obedience.
If, on the other hand, you’re only looking for permission to do what you’ve already decided, don’t waste someone’s time asking for their advice. But know that you’re putting yourself at risk when you want someone to merely rubber-stamp your pre-made decisions.
Instead, have the humility to be open to new thoughts and then seek out wise counsel from qualified men.
Priority Advice
Priority decisions are different. If, for example, you want to buy a good used car, you probably won’t seek advice from a pastor or Bible study leader—unless they happen to know a lot about cars. The goal of seeking counsel for priority decisions is wisdom.
When you’re asking for priority advice, it may be helpful to clarify whether you’re seeking the voice of reason (what to do) or the voice of passion (motivation to take action).
My Two Rules for Giving Advice
Wise counsel isn’t just for us to seek; it’s also for us to offer. Give men permission to come to you for advice. Here are my two rules for offering counsel:
- Gain permission first. As a general rule, when someone doesn’t ask for your advice it’s usually because they don’t want it. If you feel compelled to offer advice, start by asking if they’d like to hear your thoughts. Gaining permission opens ears.
- Don’t force it. There is no greater loss than the right advice offered at the wrong moment. Timing is everything. The fact is a made-up mind is almost impossible to change. Even though the right decision may be dangling like a juicy worm, the fish won’t bite if it isn’t hungry. Instead, respect the process of relationships. Let them know you’re available when they’re ready to hear another point of view.
For reflection:
- Have you experienced a failure or setback that you can attribute to a lack of counsel? What kept you from seeking out wise advisors?
- How can you better discern the difference between moral and priority decisions in your life? Who are the trusted people you turn to for advice in each area?
- Think about a time when you offered advice. Did you follow the two rules? How might gaining permission and sensing the right moment have improved the outcome?
