This week, I’ll be delving into Chapter 4 of “From Broken Boy to Mended Man.”

Men who haven’t meaningfully processed the pain of their childhood wounds invariably exhibit nine symptoms (see the full list in Chapter 4).

The result? Some of us are angry. Some are sad. Many of us are both—and confused. If your parents were self-absorbed, angry, and abusive, it might make your emotions easier to understand. Or perhaps, like me, you’re confused and feel guilty for being so upset because your parents really were nice people.

That said, understanding how those wounds affect us today is a powerful key to change. So, let’s overview characteristic #1:

You Have a Hard Time Believing People Really Care About You.

Early in life, a child decides whether the world is safe or dangerous. If people do not care about your needs when you are young and vulnerable, the stage is set for you to look at the world with suspicion, fear, and mistrust.

So, if one or both of your parents didn’t care (or care enough), it’s no surprise you have doubts and suspicions that anyone else would care either. In fact, today, you are wary of people who seem to care. You don’t trust their motives.

You find it difficult to trust people’s sincerity when they express genuine affection for you. It’s risky to accept someone’s delight in you: What if it’s fake? What if it’s real, but I don’t measure up or can’t perform to their satisfaction? What if they change their mind?

Because you fear repeating the cycle of pain, like me, you tend to feel reserved or guarded when you walk into a room. Everyone has self-doubts, but yours are exaggerated. You often feel left out, excluded, out of the loop, overlooked, uninvited. You assume “They don’t want me.”

You have difficulty developing close friendships (although once you do, you are the most fiercely loyal friend). When people don’t give you enough positive feedback, you assume they will let you down and abandon you, and you have experiences to back this up.

You’re insecure about where you stand with people—even those closest to you. Even your spouse. That’s how bad it can get.

To protect yourself from this pain, you’ve walled yourself in and others out. At times, you feel starved for love and friendship, but the risk of being hurt seems greater than the reward of letting someone in.

The good news is that it doesn’t have to stay that way. God prescribes a healing process that can liberate you from this debilitating characteristic. In coming blogs, Bible studies, podcasts, and the book I will show how it can work for you.

For Reflection and Discussion: As you reflect on your or a loved one’s wounds, to what extent do you, or they, have a hard time believing people really care?