In my late teens and early 20s, I started seeking rest for my soul. At the time I didn’t fully understand what I was looking for. I tried religion, poetry, education, dating, friendships, self-discipline, self-help literature, theater, sports, fraternities, and more. All of it left me empty.

Then I met Patsy. There was something different about her. She had the peace I was looking for. Patsy wanted to marry a Christian, and when she explained her faith, I misunderstood what she meant. To be fair, I thought I already was a Christian; I had grown up in church. But actually, I only knew enough about Jesus to be disappointed in Him.

When I answered Patsy’s questions about my faith, I could see my answers were off. Before long, I stopped answering and, instead, would ask her a follow-up question to figure out what she was hoping to hear. Then I would echo that. It would be fair to say I tricked her into thinking I shared her views, but I loved her and wanted to spend my life with her.

Within a few weeks after our wedding, it became clear we needed to resolve an ambiguity of terms about what it meant to be a Christian. You see, I was committed to a set of Christian values, and I viewed faith as a task. She, on the other hand, was committed to a Person—Jesus—and she understood faith as a relationship.

One morning, desperate to understand the difference, I walked into a church with my wife. Without coming on too strong, a few men introduced themselves. They had obviously thought through the answers to questions like: When a young man brings his new wife to church, why does he do that? What problem is he trying to solve? What does he need from us? And how can we give it to him?

That small group of men accepted me as I was. They took me to lunch. They invited Patsy and me to dinner. They brought me to men’s events where men shared their faith stories. They didn’t violate the process of relationships. They didn’t push. They didn’t judge. But they did model to me the love of Jesus. Those men had what I wanted, and I found it irresistible.

Finally, the difference sank in: Faith is not a task we perform to make God happy but a relationship with a Person. I embraced a relationship with Jesus, and my life was transformed. Some changes were instant, and others are still in progress. But since I made that choice, I’ve always had rest for my soul. In fact, several decades later, I can honestly say that my worst day with Jesus has been infinitely better than my best day without Him.

Have you found that kind of rest yet? Or are you still searching? You can experience a deep sense of contentment and peace that doesn’t depend on your circumstances.

How God Feels About You

I am, at heart, a Bible teacher. I’ve spent decades curating a file of notes to help me prepare messages for the men in our weekly Bible study. One of those notes is a section of Bible verses I call “How God sees my men.” God sees you fully, knows you completely, and loves you personally. More than that, God wants to bring you healing:

No one is cast off
by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.
For he does not willingly bring affliction
or grief to anyone.

Lamentations 3:31-33 (NIV)

A bruised reed he will not break,
and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.

Isaiah 42:3a (NIV)

Do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

2 Peter 3:8-9 (NIV)

This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.

1 Timothy 2:3-4 (NIV)

For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign Lord. Repent and live!

Ezekiel 18:32 (NIV)

In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.

Matthew 18:14

Jesus is safe. You can completely let down your guard and fully relax. He will save you from the soul-crushing weight of your childhood wounds.

The most important note in my message preparation file is this: What one idea, fully understood and truly believed, would change everything?

For broken boys, that idea is that a relationship with Jesus can give you the rest for your soul that no amount of human effort will ever be able to provide.

Maybe a relationship with Jesus would be new to you, or maybe you made a profession of faith in Him years ago but have strayed away. In either case, if this idea resonates with you and you want to affirm or reaffirm a relationship with Jesus, here is a prayer you can recite to express that. You can pray silently or out loud; you can read it as is or put it in your own words. What matters is the desire of your heart:

Jesus, I am tired, weary, broken, bruised, fragile, harassed, and helpless. My soul cries out for rest. Have compassion on me. As an act of faith, even if it is tiny, even if I still have many doubts, I come to You for rest. I choose to submit myself to You and learn from You. Please forgive my sins. I want a relationship with You as both my Savior and my Lord. Please be the relationship that heals my childhood wounds. Take control and grant me lasting rest for my soul, both in this life and for eternity. Amen.

If you prayed this prayer, welcome (or welcome back) to the Kingdom of Christ. I encourage you to tell someone you trust that you have affirmed or re-affirmed your faith in Jesus. Ask them to help you take your next steps. And please continue reading Man to Man as we continue the healing process from childhood wounds.