A man who was leading a small group of men through one of my books shared a fascinating pattern that he’d noticed: The men who read the assigned chapter before their weekly meeting were experiencing real growth. They came ready to discuss, apply, and live out what they were learning. And, as a result, they were thriving—more joy, more peace, and more clarity about who they were and what they were living for.

But the men who didn’t read the chapter found themselves stagnant. They attended the meetings but couldn’t understand why their lives weren’t changing like the other men’s lives. They listened during discussions, nodded, and even took a few notes. Over time, they grew frustrated. Why am I not seeing the same results?

This story teaches us something crucial: Spiritual growth is possible, but it’s not automatic. Ultimately, it’s what we invest in that will flourish. It takes active participation. It takes effort. And, yes, it takes discipline. In fact, sometimes you have to substitute discipline for a lack of natural interest if you want to experience growth—#32 on my alphabetical list of 70 things every man needs to know.  

Hebrews 5:11 addresses growth directly, urging believers to move beyond the basics and grow up in their faith—but laments that many are “slow to learn” because they’re not ready to go deeper. That’s both a warning and an invitation. If we want to grow, we must engage.

What Does Spiritual Growth Look Like?

Over the course of my career leading men through Bible studies, discipleship groups, and one-on-one mentoring, I’ve observed six habits that the men who grow the most have in common. These habits aren’t religious hoops to jump through, and they don’t earn favor with God. Rather, they are powerful clues that a man is serious about growing and staying grounded in his faith—and they often mark a man who is leading a joyful, peaceable, and purposeful life.

Here they are:

1. They read the Bible regularly.

They’re not just curious—they’re hungry. They want to hear God’s voice through His Word. They don’t rely on someone else’s spiritual life; they cultivate their own. To them, anything less than a chapter in the Bible is like eating one potato chip.

2. They pray with their wives.

This doesn’t mean long, eloquent prayers. Sometimes it’s short and simple—a minute or two a day even. But it reflects a man who’s inviting God into the center of his marriage.

3. They’re in a small group.

These men don’t “go it alone.” They understand that growth thrives in community. In fact, most of the meaningful growth and change I’ve seen has taken place in the context of small-group relationships. These men are willing to be vulnerable, to be encouraged, and to be challenged.

4. They’re active in a church.

For them, going to church isn’t a box to check now and then, and they aren’t just warming a pew. It’s an overflow of their relationship with Christ. They’re engaging with other believers in the community to love God, love people, build the Kingdom, and tend the culture—together, as a fellowship and force.

5. They tithe.

It’s remarkable how often generosity and joy travel together! I’ve never known a man who tithes and isn’t joyful—even during dark days. That’s because giving doesn’t bring loss; it brings freedom. Jesus Himself affirmed tithing in Matthew 23:23.

6. They serve the Lord.

They desire lasting significance over worldly success, committing their work, time, and gifts as service to the King. When opportunities come, they go out of their way to represent Jesus to a weary, watching world.

How Do You Start?

If you’re not practicing all these habits yet, don’t be discouraged. Everyone starts somewhere.

Remember: You don’t need to feel inspired every day. Just keep showing up. Stay in the Word. Say yes to community. And over time, you’ll look back and see that you’ve grown. You’ve changed. What you’ve invested in has flourished.

So here’s the question: Are you an active participant in your spiritual growth or just an observer? 

If you’re ready to grow, lean in. Take the next step. Join a group. Read your Bible. Ask another man to pray with you. Start serving. Even if you only pick one habit, begin.

Because the men who grow? They’re not the smartest. Or the most gifted. They’re the ones who engage—consistently and intentionally. And, yes, sometimes they substitute discipline for a lack of natural interest.

Questions for reflection and discussion: 

1. Reflective: Think about a time in your life when you felt spiritually stagnant. Looking back, was there a habit of engagement that was missing? What could have made the difference?
2. Knowledge-based: Hebrews 5:11 speaks of believers being “slow to learn.” What might that look like today—and how can you personally guard against spiritual complacency?
3. Application-oriented: Which of the six habits do you already practice? Which one might God be prompting you to take more seriously right now, and why?