Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, but He didn’t take off the strips of linen and cloth wrapped around his hands, feet, and face. Instead, Jesus said to his family and friends, “You unwrap him and release him. I want you to let him go.” (see John 11:44)

Jesus gives us the dignity of helping each other heal.

Someone you know is in pain. They are acting out and don’t know why. If someone doesn’t help them soon, they will destroy what matters most—and not know why. Maybe it’s a loved one or a friend. Maybe it’s you.

Healing is all about pain—acknowledging it’s there, identifying where it’s coming from, and then knowing how to face it, grieve, accept it, take control, and heal. Healing takes place in stages, but the stages often overlap or occur out of order. Some stages may take a few weeks, others a few years.

The Scriptures offer a process for healing that has been in constant use for thousands of years. Knowing even a little about this process can go a long way. Here’s an overview in the context of healing childhood wounds:

• Overcoming denial and facing the truth: get out of denial and acknowledge the great suffering you’ve had to deal with.
• Grief: grieve what’s missing, what could have been, and work toward acceptance without overreacting in hurt and anger.
• Forgiveness: rethink your parents’ stories and forgive.
• Making amends: confess any part you might have played (e.g., a difficult temperament), apologize, make amends, and ask your parents to forgive you. (Note that under no circumstances are you in any way responsible for abusive behavior against you, whether physical, emotional, or sexual—even if someone tries to manipulate you to think you share the blame.)
• Renewal: rehabilitate the relationship when possible.
• Setting boundaries: set boundaries if necessary (e.g., for toxic words still spoken to you).
• Transformation: intentionally and actively become a man who walks in God’s power, exhibiting love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, humility, integrity, gratitude, and wisdom.

There’s no magical, universal, or rigid sequence for working through these stages. The only essential requirement for you or another man to heal is that, at some point, you address each one of them.

Your healing process will happen at its own pace and in its own order. There’s no need to rush it, but there’s no reason to put it off any longer either.

You are not responsible for what happened to you, but you’re the only one who can do something about it now.

Which of the healing stages have you already processed? Which stage do you want to tackle next, and why?