What do you know about accountability? I learned about it the hard way.

Early in my walk with God, I formed a small group with five other men. We met regularly at my office. After a couple of years, one of the guys announced that the IRS had put a padlock on his business. Also, he was going to divorce his wife, leave his three young children, and move in with his administrative assistant—which is exactly what he did.

None of us had a clue.

I am a big fan of small groups, but even in a small group a man can lead a double life. Yes, that’s on him if he does, but shame on us if we don’t give men structures and opportunities to help them get real about what’s really going on in their lives.

Generally speaking, when women have problems they move toward relationships. But men tend to move toward isolation. And every predator understands the strategic value of isolation; the lion never attacks the herd. The Apostle Peter, in 1 Peter 5:8, states it like this:

“Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

You are being hunted. Peter exhorts us, “Resist him” (5:9a).

No Christian ever led a vibrant, obedient life in total isolation. Practically speaking, accountable relationships are how we resist the enemy.

Accountability means to be regularly answerable for each of the key areas of our lives to qualified people.

Let’s break that definition down—

To be answerable means to give someone permission to ask you how you are really doing. Most of us will lead shallow lives unless we allow someone to probe below the waterline. Additionally, accountability is enhanced by visibility—so meet in person or at least on a video call.

Regularly means to connect at planned intervals. Weekly is my recommendation, but at least connect with them monthly.

Key areas include your most important relationships such as God and family; your use of time and money; your moral and ethical behavior; and any areas of personal struggle.

Qualified people are those who are vested in your success in a given area. Wives can make great accountability partners in the areas of family and money, for example.

Have you ever known a successful Lone Ranger Christian? I haven’t. A few friends with permission to ask how you are really doing will keep you on track or, like a sheep, you will almost certainly go astray.

Do you have relationships where you talk about real things—not just shop talk or sports? If not, would you agree that men who keep secrets are more vulnerable to do something stupid? My friend thought he was smarter than the rest of us, and he wrecked not only his own life but also rained down a lifetime of troubles on a nice woman and several young children. Don’t let that be you.

If you do have accountability, prayerfully consider this: Among the men you know, who needs a brother who cares about how he’s really doing? And if not you, then who?

If you want to learn more, you can find a very specific guide on how to have a weekly accountability group here.