Every child needs the approval of their father—sometimes called “the blessing.” In the Bible, to bless means “to endue with power for success, prosperity, fertility, longevity, etc.” So much of our self-concept comes from our father’s blessing—or lack thereof.

Did you receive your father’s blessing?

Let me tell you about some young men who didn’t. In my book for high school boys, The Young Man in the Mirror, I told a story about speaking to forty young men in jail, ages fourteen to seventeen. These boys were major offenders incarcerated for serious crimes: rape, murder, robbery, weapons, and (mostly) drugs. Nearly 90 percent had no father figure.

I was able to hold their attention by sharing how I quit high school, and how my brothers struggled with alcohol, drugs, divorce, and bitterness. Also, I recounted the tragic death of my younger brother to a drug and alcohol overdose.

Before I started speaking, I handed each young man a nametag. Halfway through my talk, I asked each boy to write his name on the tag and stick it to his chest.

Then I moved around the room and, one by one, knelt in front of each boy, read his nametag, looked him in the eye, and said, “Carlos Rivera (or whatever was on his tag), God knows your name. He loves you very much. He knit you together in your mother’s womb. He knows every word you speak before it comes to your tongue. He knows when you sit and when you stand. [See Psalm 139:1–4, 13.]

“He knows everything you have ever done and will do, and He wants to forgive you. If you will reach out for Him, He is already reaching out for you. You can change your life. God wants to adopt you and be your father. Do you understand this?”

Like dry sponges, I watched as each boy soaked up these words.

One of the first boys refused to write his name, so I said, “That’s okay. Let me know if you change your mind.” As I was finishing, I asked, “Did I miss anyone?”

One young man pointed to another and shouted, “You missed him!” As I finished up with the boy I missed, the other boy who at first refused sheepishly signaled that he wanted me to speak to these life-giving words to him too.

As we were about to dismiss, I said, “I’m a hugger, so if any of you would like a hug, line up here and I’ll give you one.” More than a dozen boys scrambled to get in line. After I gave each boy his hug, guards escorted him into the hallway and shackled him with chains to the other boys for the march back to their cells.

Why did I do this? The Bible describes what can happen when a child doesn’t get their father’s blessing. Jacob cheated his older brother Esau out of his father’s blessing. Their father, Isaac, had to tell Esau that he had already given Esau’s blessing to Jacob. The Bible says, “When Esau heard his father’s words, he burst out with a loud and bitter cry and said to his father, ‘Bless me—me too, my father!’” (Genesis 27:34). Those brothers didn’t speak for 20 years and became separate nations with a history of violence.

Obviously, I wasn’t qualified to give those boys “the” blessing of a father, but I wanted to give them “a” blessing. I wanted those young men to know our true Father in heaven sees them, loves them, knows them, understands them, hears them and, even though they had done bad things, wants to adopt and bless them.

As fathers, let’s make sure each of our children know they have our blessing—our approval. Nothing good can come from withholding it.