If you’re a normal person, someone has hurt you so badly that you’ve struggled to let it go. Maybe you did let it go. But then it keeps coming back. So, you forgive again. Until the next time it rears its head.

What is an offense that you find difficult to put behind you? Maybe a spouse was unfaithful. Maybe you were neglected or abused growing up. Or maybe physically or emotionally abandoned by a parent.

Perhaps someone lied about you and damaged your reputation. The damage has been done, and there is no way for the person who caused it to go back and make it unhappen.

Now flip that around.

Is there someone you have hurt so badly that they feel that same way about you?

That’s the uncomfortable territory Jesus takes us into when He teaches us to pray:

“Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” (Matthew 6:12)

Why does Jesus describe sin as a debt?

I know about debts that can’t be repaid. Years ago, my real estate development company got caught in a financial crisis. I had borrowed heavily with short-term construction loans. Then circumstances changed dramatically, and suddenly I owed debts I simply could not repay.

There was no clever strategy left. I couldn’t produce money I didn’t have.

That’s a helpful picture of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is absorbing a debt that cannot be repaid.

Think about some of the things we do to each other that can’t be undone:

• You can’t unsay the cruel words.
• You can’t undo the betrayal.
• You can’t restore the lost years.
• You can’t erase all the consequences of a terrible decision.

Some debts simply cannot be repaid.

That’s our predicament with God.

Paul says that God “forgave us all our sins, having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness… he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross.” (Colossians 2:13–14)

Jesus paid a debt He did not owe because you and I owe a debt we cannot pay.

I once knew a man at our Bible study whose heroin addiction had caused enormous damage in his life. One morning he told me, “Pat, I’m having a hard time forgiving myself.”

I asked him, “Do you believe God has forgiven you?”

“Absolutely.”

“So essentially what you’re saying is that you have a higher standard for forgiveness than God does. Is that right?” He understood and took another step toward peace with God.

If God has forgiven you, you don’t need to keep carrying around the guilt as though your debt remains unpaid.

But Jesus doesn’t stop with receiving forgiveness.

“As we also have forgiven our debtors.”

If guilt keeps me chained to my sin, bitterness keeps me chained to your sin.

And forgiveness is God’s designated way to break both chains.

That doesn’t mean forgiveness is always a one-time event. I remember rowing my single scull on our lake one day when an overwhelming wave of bitterness suddenly hit me over something I had already forgiven. It was so strong I had to stop rowing and stabilize the boat.

I had forgiven the offense. I meant it. But there it was again.

So I forgave again. Until the next time it reared its ugly head.

Sometimes forgiveness is like cutting a piece of string in half. You cut it once and half is gone, but half is still there. Later you cut it again. Each time there is less of it, but with a deep enough wound, letting go can take time.

That’s human.

And forgiveness does not mean pretending the wrong never happened. It doesn’t eliminate the need for an apology, consequences, restitution, appropriate boundaries, or rebuilding trust.

Forgiveness means I am no longer going to demand payment for a debt you can never repay.

And sometimes we have to forgive by faith before our feelings catch up.

So there are two questions for today: Who do you owe? And, who owes you?

Jesus gives us a prayer for both. Father, forgive the debts I cannot repay. And help me forgive the debts others cannot repay to me.

You don’t have to remain chained to either guilt or bitterness.

Forgiving is God’s designated way to break the chains of guilt and bitterness.

For Reflection and Discussion

• Heart (Reflect): When have you experienced the freedom of knowing that God had truly forgiven you? What difference did that make in your relationships with others?
• Head (Understand): What does it mean to think of sin as a debt that you cannot repay? How does Jesus’ payment of your debt help you understand both receiving and offering forgiveness?
• Hands (Apply): Who comes to mind when you ask, “Whom do I owe?” and “Who owes me?” What step of forgiveness, apology, restitution, or appropriate boundaries might God want you to take?

Want to go deeper?

Watch the complete Man Alive Bible Study that inspired today’s Weekly Wisdom on YouTube, or listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music.