Every man wants his life to count. And there is nothing wrong with ambition, accomplishment, or wanting to succeed. In fact, healthy achievement can be one of the ways we reflect the image of a creative and purposeful God. Deep inside, God has wired us with a desire to build, achieve, contribute, and make a difference.

Yet many of us spend years chasing a version of success that can’t satisfy the deepest longings of our hearts. That’s why, regardless of your stage of life, the real question is not whether you will pursue success. The real question is how you define it.

Success that matters, #62 on my list of 70 things every man needs to know, is a full-orbed, well-balanced, priority-based, thought-through success. It begins with a solid foundation: Christ as Lord.

Without this foundation, even impressive achievements can leave a man restless and emotionally exhausted. He may have wealth, status, recognition, and accomplishments, and still sense that something essential is missing.

On the other hand, when Christ is at the center, another man with fewer outward achievements may experience deep joy, clarity, peace, and purpose because his life is aligned with what matters most to God. Success becomes something much richer and more integrated. It touches every part of life, including faith, marriage, family, work, friendships, integrity, purpose, and legacy.

Ten Questions Every Man Should Ask

One of the best ways to evaluate whether you are experiencing success that matters is to ask yourself ten practical questions:

1. Am I building a strong, loving marriage?
2. Am I doing everything possible to help my children become responsible adults?
3. Am I actively helping my family grow in their faith in Christ?
4. Am I investing in other people’s lives as a friend, counselor, accountability partner, and mentor?
5. Am I making a significant contribution in my church?
6. Am I growing in faith and love for the Lord Jesus?
7. Am I living a life of integrity and good deeds?
8. Am I a good provider?
9. Am I performing fulfilling work?
10. Will I go to heaven when I die?

Notice how relationship-oriented most of these questions are. That’s because, in the end, the deepest measures of success are rarely about status, possessions, or recognition. They are about love, faithfulness, integrity, contribution, and whether the people closest to you are flourishing because you are there.

Without this broader, relational view of success, built on a foundation of Christ as Lord, many men unintentionally drift toward a counterfeit version.

The Disease of Success Sickness

Somewhere along the way, many men catch what I call success sickness. It’s the disease of always wanting more, but never being satisfied when you get it. It is the intangible pain that comes from either failing to achieve goals that should never have been set, or achieving them only to discover they didn’t really matter.

Regrettably, many men do not recognize this until they have invested twenty or more years, often the best years of their lives. That’s why now is the time to ask yourself these questions, before you wake up one day wondering why the life you worked so hard to build still feels incomplete. Jesus put it like this: “What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?” (Matthew 16:26a).

We see in Scripture three forces actively working against men: the world, the flesh, and the Devil. In practical terms, this often shows up through lies and idols, and one of the most destructive lies is, “Success will make me happy.” Men organize their entire lives around that promise. They sacrifice for it, strive for it, and structure their identities around it. Then when they finally arrive, they discover that success may provide achievement, but it cannot provide peace. In fact, without Jesus, it can lead to emptiness and even despair.

Søren Kierkegaard referred to this despair as “the sickness unto death.” It’s possible to look successful outwardly while greatly struggling inwardly. The very passion that fuels achievement can slowly begin to consume the man pursuing it.

No man wakes up planning to neglect his wife or emotionally distance himself from his children. But in our mad chase to “be somebody,” many of us drift out of balance without even realizing it. Over time, many families slowly absorb the cost of a man whose priorities have become disordered. And while he builds a successful life on paper, deep inside he senses that something is off.

The Goal Is Not Just Success

Here is the great irony: The biggest problem is often not that men are failing to achieve their goals. In many cases, they are achieving them. The problem is that they are the wrong goals. Many men get exactly what they wanted, only to discover it doesn’t matter. This experience completely reframes their understanding of failure: Failure is succeeding in a way that doesn’t really matter.

John D. Rockefeller, the richest man of his age, was once asked, “How much money is enough?” His famous answer was, “Just a little bit more.” At 53 years of age, he collapsed under the stress of building the world’s largest oil company.

That is success sickness in one sentence.

Yet Rockefeller’s health scare served as a wakeup call. He shifted his focus, letting his faith in Christ guide him to a different way of living. Generosity and philanthropy became a passion. And he began pursuing a broader vision of success that extended beyond himself, both during his life and after his death at 97 years old.

The goal is not merely to succeed. The goal is to succeed at what matters.

Always on your side,

Pat

For Reflection and Discussion

• Heart (Reflection): Where do you sense “success sickness” showing up in your life?
• Head (Understanding): Why do you think God measures success so differently than the world does?
• Hands (Application): Which of the ten questions above most needs your attention right now, and what is one practical step you can take this week to do something about that?