If you’re walking with someone whose belief system is starting to crack and crumble—who feels like something’s just not adding up—I hope this week’s article will be especially helpful for you.

We’re in a break from “70 things every man needs to know” for a 10-week series adapted from my book What If Christianity Is True? The goal is to help you or the people you care about overcome doubts and questions about faith.

This week we’re in Chapter 3: Secular, Moral, and Religious Belief Systems.

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When the System Stops Working

Most people don’t abandon a belief system because of a single crisis. What really opens them up to change is a steady accumulation of anomalies—outcomes, disappointments, or contradictions that their current framework just can’t explain.

Eventually, the cracks get too big to ignore. The deviations become too numerous to keep sweeping under the rug.

Which lead us to the big idea for this week: People become most open to change when they face too many anomalies in their belief system—when their take on the world just doesn’t add up anymore.

This week, let’s look at how secular, moral, and religious belief systems each develop pressure points that eventually push people to ask, Is this really working?

Our part is to be ready when they’re ready. But remember, our role is not to push, fix, or rescue. Rather, it’s to help them notice the pattern and gently ask better questions. There’s no greater loss than the right advice given at the wrong moment.

1. The Secular System: “Life should feel better than this.”

This system says: Pursue success, pleasure, and comfort. Maximize pleasure. Minimize pain.

Most people adhering to the secular system are decent human beings trying to raise families, be good neighbors, show some civic pride, earn a living, and enjoy a few pleasures. And for a while, it works—until it doesn’t. Slowly, anomalies creep in:

• The job promotion didn’t bring peace.
• The vacation didn’t quiet the ache.
• The bank account grew, but so did the anxiety.
• The applause felt good, but then it faded.

Here’s the problem: Even if you get everything you want in this world, it will not be enough to make you happy.

At some point, the secular system stops explaining reality. So they start looking for a different and more satisfying belief system.

2. The Moral System: “At least I’m doing the right thing.”

When secularism collapses, many men reach for a higher ground: morality. They adopt a new internal compass—integrity, honesty, and doing good.

They tire of chasing pleasure, so they turn to leaving the world a better place. I remember precisely when it happened for me. After waking up in a ditch with a hangover when I was in the Army, I decided to turn my life around. I knew I had to live for something bigger than myself. I enrolled at NC State’s Fort Bragg campus and went to university at night.

Studying one night for a literature course, I latched on to a powerful quote from Shakespeare and made it my new motto: “This above all: to thine own self be true.”

A moral system seems noble. And for a while, it gave me structure and purpose. You’ve probably experienced this too. But I soon discovered what every moralist eventually does: We can’t even live up to our own standards.

It doesn’t take long for the anomalies to start popping up again:

• “I can’t even live up to my own moral code.”
• “I’m still hurting the people I love.”
• “I’ve done good, but I still feel like a fraud.”
• “The gap between who I want to be and who I am just keeps growing.”

Eventually, the moral system, too, begins to unravel. It’s not bad—it’s just not enough. Good intent. No power.

3. The Religious System: “God must be pleased with me… right?”

When both secular and moral systems collapse, many men reach for religion.

They start serving, attending, giving, volunteering, and, on the outside, everything looks stable. But inside, the anomalies once again start stacking up:

• “I’m doing the work, but I still feel far from God.”
• “I can’t shake this guilt.”
• “I feel like I’m pretending.”
• “I thought God would feel more real by now.”

One man put it like this: “I ushered. I served. I helped. But I still felt empty. So I gave up and threw myself back into work.”

Eventually, the religious system also breaks down. Not because God isn’t real—but because performance doesn’t produce peace.

4. What They Want But Can’t Name

When secularism leaves them bored—

When morality leaves them guilty—

And religion leaves them exhausted…

They’re not looking for a new system. They’re looking for a new kind of life.

Not pleasure.

Not principle.

Not performance.

But peace, grace, and truth.

They’re not looking to believe in a mere belief system at all but in a Person. We’ll talk about Him next week!

Much love,

Pat

For Reflection and Discussion

These are questions you can ask people you care about. If you’re in a group, use your time this week to role play and practice with each other:

1. “How would you describe your belief system?”
2. “Where are things not adding up for you? What’s not working as you had hoped?”
3. “Are you at a point where you are interested in learning more about Jesus?”

Next week: Chapter 4: Understanding the Christian Belief System. We’ll explore how to help someone understand what Jesus offers that no other system ever could—and why it really is Good News.