Last week the new Man Alive Community held an “Open House” Zoom call for over 100 men’s leaders from around the world. I shared a personal update about how our family is doing after the death of our daughter and shared how I’m continuing to teach the Bible and write books. 

Then I gave my thoughts on why younger men don’t want to hang out with older men, and what we can do about it. For your edification, this week sharing those notes with you in a one-off from series 70 things every man needs to know. Hope these thoughts stimulate your thinking!

Two Key Problems:

1. The “Young Life Crisis”

While the classic “Mid-Life Crisis” is still very real, today’s younger men face a similar but unique challenge—they lack clarity about their identity and direction. Riverbanks create direction and velocity. While cultural “riverbanks” once provided guidance, many younger men today struggle to understand their roles and purpose in life. This lack of clarity makes it difficult to find fulfillment or lasting meaning.

2. The “Old Man Syndrome”

Older men often unintentionally alienate younger men because of a few key characteristics:

• Analog to Digital: One of the most significant shifts in recent years is the growing gap between older men, who may resist new technologies, and younger men who are fully immersed in digital culture. A reluctance to adapt can create barriers and make older men seem out of touch.

• Cynicism: It’s hard to get past 50 without becoming a cynic. The world is a never-sleeping juggernaut that relentlessly crushes everything in its path—our hopes, dreams, plans, and relationships. But when older men become cynical, it turns younger men off. Younger men are often full of energy and hope—they’re looking for mentors who inspire and encourage them, not those who are consumed by negativity.

• Control and the “I know best” mindset: You want the best for young men, but it has to be your way.  “I know what’s wrong. I know how to fix it. You just need to listen to me and then do what I say.” A tendency to tell younger men what’s wrong with their lives, without considering their individual perspectives, can be alienating. Didn’t work with your kids; won’t work with other men’s kids either.

• Unwillingness to sacrifice time: You want the best for men, but not enough to give up your tee time. The best mentorship requires time and sacrifice. Word gets around when a man isn’t willing to sacrifice anything to help a younger man: “He doesn’t care—not really.”

The Solution:

To bridge this generational gap, we need to offer men what they need in a way that resonates with what they want. All men—especially younger men—desire genuine relationships and mentorship that’s relevant, authentic, and transformative. This means engaging with them in ways that are both practical and meaningful, meeting them where they are without compromising the wisdom we have to offer.

What All Men Want, Especially Younger Men:

They want someone who will see them, listen, and understand. They long to share their hopes, dreams, and ambitions with someone who will not only hear their words but also offer practical help with their most pressing challenges: work and career, marriage, children, finances, time management, and discovering their true identity, meaning, and purpose.

Here are a few practical ways you can connect with younger men and begin to make a difference in their lives:

Make a List: Start by making a list of young men you know, including family members if possible.

Invite Them for Coffee: Sit down with them and ask three key questions:

1. Where were you born? (This signals you want to hear their full story.)
2. What was it like growing up in your family?
3. Where are you on your journey today? (And, if it feels appropriate, ask: Where are you on your spiritual journey?)

Offer to Meet Again: Let them know you’re available to meet again—whether on a regular schedule or as needed. I recommend a flexible approach I call Situational Mentoring, where you make yourself available to address specific questions or issues as they arise.

 Start a Small Group: Invite a few men to study the Bible together, whether through Man Alive or by taking them through one of my books. If you’re looking for a good starting point, I suggest beginning with The Man in the Mirror or From Broken Boy to Mended Man. These resources will help guide your discussions and offer a structured path for growth.

By engaging with younger men in these practical ways, you’ll not only create meaningful connections, but you’ll also help them discover their identity, purpose, and faith in a way that truly resonates.