As men, we all want the same things. We want our lives to count and make a difference. We want to succeed and have meaningful relationships. We want to be great husbands and fathers. We want to be seen, heard, known, understood, wanted, and loved. We want to feel fully alive.

Last week, we explored man’s nature. Now let’s explore #45 on my list of 70 things every man needs to know: manhood itself—what it means to be a man.  

Manhood, at its core, is about embracing a journey that aligns with God’s larger purposes, will, and plans for our lives. That purpose is to be conformed and transformed into the image of Jesus (Romans 8:29 and 1 Corinthians 3:18)—and all that this implies. That’s because Jesus is the perfect example of a man.

Manhood means maturing into the person God created us to be, putting aside childish ways and stepping into responsibility. It’s about becoming an asset to those around us and not a liability—a contributor, not a taker. Manhood means becoming a wise son, a good steward, and a faithful servant. As 1 Corinthians 13:11 reminds us, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.”

What we want is so clear. But equally clear are the soul-crushing obstacles, blows, sorrows, failures, and defeats that seem, at times, to block the path. I can relate—I still face all these things too. Yet, we still want to experience all that God has for us. So it begs the question: What do men need to be fully alive?

A Cause, a Companion, and a Conviction

I believe the list can be reduced to three things:

1. A cause: something we can give our lives to that will make a difference. No need looms larger for a man than having a reason to get out of bed in the morning—a mission and a sense of significance, meaning, and purpose.
2. A companion: someone to share it with. For most of us, this desire includes marriage, but it also extends to family relationships and friendship. Contrary perhaps to many caricatures pop culture, men are made for deep relationships. (How else would we explain the popularity of fraternities, sports teams, and pubs?) We all want to share our lives with someone.
3. A conviction: a belief system—worldview, philosophy, or religion—that provides a reasonable explanation of why #1 and #2 are so difficult!

These God-given desires are what we were created to do and the essence of manhood—finding something we can give ourselves to, someone to share it with, and a system that explains how to make sense of our lives. You will feel most alive, most significant, and most useful when you are doing what you were created to do. 

Practical Ideas to Become a Man Fully Alive

Something you may have heard me say is that a Bible, a small group, and serving someone else will solve 90% of your problems. Meeting with thousands of men over decades of ministry has only reinforced this belief. While there will of course be other things you need to do, my experience is that once you get these three in alignment, you will be surprised at how everything else falls into place. Personally, I have never known anyone whose life has changed in any significant way apart from the regular study of God’s Word. I’ve also noticed that most meaningful change takes place in the context of small-group relationships. And I have observed that a man who has “serving others” as a core value has far fewer pity parties than the man who is only thinking about himself.

If you are married or plan to marry, pray with and for your wife. Each day, take a few minutes to pray out loud together. You may even choose to keep a list on your phone of specific needs, desires, and concerns you’re bringing before the Lord together. Edit the list regularly to add prayers and remove answered prayers. My wife doesn’t like to pray out loud so I usually pray for us, but once every couple of weeks I ask her to pray. For us, we pray at the start of the morning. It anchors our day—and tethers our marriage—to Jesus. One or two minutes is enough.

If you have or plan to have children, give time to whom time is due. Schedule work appointments in pencil and family time in ink. Tell each of your children every day “I love you” and “I’m proud of you.” Haven’t done this? Stop what you’re doing RIGHT NOW and call or text each of your children to tell them you love them and are proud of them. Don’t wait. This has precedent in the Bible; we see it in the way the Father spoke about Jesus at His baptism and again at His transfiguration: “This is my beloved Son (I love Him) in whom I am well pleased (I’m proud of Him)!”

Final thoughts: The journey to attaining manhood is not about perfection but direction—and today is a great day to take the next step. In a similar way, as disciples of Jesus we are becoming increasingly conformed to His image—the best example we have of manhood. And to be a disciple of Jesus is the highest honor to which a man can aspire.

Much love,

Pat

Reflection and Discussion Questions

• Reflection (Heart): For what do you personally feel the strongest longing right now—a cause, a companion, or a conviction—and why?
• Knowledge (Head): Read Romans 8:29 and 2 Corinthians 3:18 for yourself. Have you understood your life in this way? If yes, give an example of how it affects your daily life. If not, how big of an epiphany is this for you? How might it change the way you pursue your cause, companion, and conviction?
• Application (Hands): What is one concrete step you can take this week to move toward becoming a man fully alive—related to studying the Bible, participating in a small group, serving, praying with your wife, or encouraging your children?